follow through

I exhibited some follow through this past week and I am still reeling. It is not that I don\’t finish things, but I am really so much better at starting them, hands down. So when I determined that I would take the writing challenge from hope*writers this past seven days, it was important to me that I finish. Even if every day wasn\’t spectacular writing, something made it onto Instagram. That I had written. Myself. That day. So follow through.

Loving new starts has gotten me into trouble in the past. Sometimes it takes the form of moving furniture around my home or classroom so that I can simulate something new. It has always manifested in changing approaches, curriculum and schedules in my classroom. I think there is magic in a fresh start. So I either seek them out or manufacture them, whichever works best. Kids will come in on a Monday and bump into tables and chairs that are in a completely different location than the Friday before. They are puzzled. To me it makes all the sense in the world. It revives and energizes me. It kind of annoys them.

But finishing, completing, digging deeper into a routine, staying put at a job, these things are harder for me. I have given myself the task this year to dig in, stay put and see what kind of growth comes out of that choice. It can feel like a grind sometimes and I feel stuck and frustrated. It seems that I need to run to the next thing, reinvent something quick so that I can relax and stop worrying that I am losing out somehow. This is a strong urge, one that I have to consciously resist.

For example, this post is boring the crap out of me. It is not very interesting or articulate, I am repeating myself and none of it is funny. So I want to delete it and start over. Come up with something new new new. Because I believe with every fiber of my being that I can do it better. But I am not going to do that this time around. Not every word has to be entertaining. It can just be a way to mark something, an event that I am proud of and want to make a note of. That\’s all. Carry on.